Morning: shoveled

Peach cottage singles (100)
Coffee (3 c., 3 tbsp creamer, 0 cal sweetener, approx 100)

Lunch:
Salad with dried cranberries (2 tbsp), sliced almonds (2tbsp), fat-free balsamic vinaigrette (30). Not sure the total, too lazy to go count lol, maybe 200 or 250 because of the cranberries and almonds

Snack:
Greek yogurt (approx 130)

Dinner: Might skip. Getting drinks with one of my besties

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This is for me and no one else. I need to remember that.

Well basically, I suck, and am basically at the same place I was a year ago. Except I haven’t purged in almost a year, so that’s an improvement.

I lost a pretty decent amount of weight during a two-month period beginning somewhere around the end of October/early November. I got a bad cold and had no appetite. The loss of appetite lasted for quite some time. So basically I lost weight because I wasn’t eating a lot. Then after Christmas it all came back. 

This weekend I tortured myself. Sometimes when I eat something “bad” I get into a “Well it doesn’t matter what I eat for the rest of the day because I screwed myself anyway.” And that’s what happened yesterday.

Today I didn’t even want to get out of bed because I felt so disgusted with myself. But eventually I did get up, had a yogurt, and went back into bed until I absolutely did have to get ready for work.

FInishing up a protein shake now, containing: Pure Protein, 1 tbsp peanut butter, 1 tbsp flax seed, and 4 oz skim milk, and maybe 6 oz water. 

I’m so tired of feeling unattractive. So tired of comparing myself. So tired of putting off a wardrobe makeover “until I lose the weight.” So tired of keeping these walls up because I’m afraid to let anyone in and see my insecurities. 

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Spring Cleanse

My friend’s mom is a health coach and is leading a spring Cleanse which starts next Sunday and lasts 21 days. Everyone doing it is connected on a Google group which is great because we can post questions and respond to each other. It’s also fabulous for motivation.

Today started the “prep” week…meaning I have to start weening myself off caffeine. Eeeeek.

I’m looking forward to cleansing my body, reducing the toxins, and seeing an improvement in my body and mind by May 12.

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There is something wrong with me. How do I go from be fine for a few days to hating myself? And punishing myself.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

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Went to a therapist for the first time today.

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