Peach cottage singles (100)
Coffee (3 c., 3 tbsp creamer, 0 cal sweetener, approx 100)
Salad with dried cranberries (2 tbsp), sliced almonds (2tbsp), fat-free balsamic vinaigrette (30). Not sure the total, too lazy to go count lol, maybe 200 or 250 because of the cranberries and almonds
Greek yogurt (approx 130)
Dinner: Might skip. Getting drinks with one of my besties
This is for me and no one else. I need to remember that.
Well basically, I suck, and am basically at the same place I was a year ago. Except I haven’t purged in almost a year, so that’s an improvement.
I lost a pretty decent amount of weight during a two-month period beginning somewhere around the end of October/early November. I got a bad cold and had no appetite. The loss of appetite lasted for quite some time. So basically I lost weight because I wasn’t eating a lot. Then after Christmas it all came back.
This weekend I tortured myself. Sometimes when I eat something “bad” I get into a “Well it doesn’t matter what I eat for the rest of the day because I screwed myself anyway.” And that’s what happened yesterday.
Today I didn’t even want to get out of bed because I felt so disgusted with myself. But eventually I did get up, had a yogurt, and went back into bed until I absolutely did have to get ready for work.
FInishing up a protein shake now, containing: Pure Protein, 1 tbsp peanut butter, 1 tbsp flax seed, and 4 oz skim milk, and maybe 6 oz water.
I’m so tired of feeling unattractive. So tired of comparing myself. So tired of putting off a wardrobe makeover “until I lose the weight.” So tired of keeping these walls up because I’m afraid to let anyone in and see my insecurities.
My friend’s mom is a health coach and is leading a spring Cleanse which starts next Sunday and lasts 21 days. Everyone doing it is connected on a Google group which is great because we can post questions and respond to each other. It’s also fabulous for motivation.
Today started the “prep” week…meaning I have to start weening myself off caffeine. Eeeeek.
I’m looking forward to cleansing my body, reducing the toxins, and seeing an improvement in my body and mind by May 12.
There is something wrong with me. How do I go from be fine for a few days to hating myself? And punishing myself.
Went to a therapist for the first time today.